The Google Parodies

God Sightings Added to Google Maps

I have been very fortunate to have taken part in the Global Online Deity Distribution And Mapping Network (GODDAMN) initiative recently organized by the United Nations Interfaith Institute in Monte Carlo, Monaco.

As a direct result of this initiative, thousands of credible deity sightings around the world have been pouring into Google Maps data centers across the globe.

And now we are happy to introduce more search and location options for Google Maps!

Google Maps God Sightings

Some features include:

Mapping by faith
  • Christian
  • Muslim
  • Hindu
  • Jewish
  • Buddhist
  • Jedi
  • Klingon

Mapping by transport mode
  • Bicycling
  • By car
  • Walking
  • Floating, levitating

Using precise coordinates and routes, this is an awesome resource for deity spotters like myself.

If you need more info, contact:

Global Online Deity Distribution And Mapping Network (GODDAMN)
United Nations Interfaith Institute
Alles des Boulingrins
Monte Carlo

Monetizing Spam - The Holy Grail Finally Discovered

I have often posted here about challenges Google faces while addressing a vital Web natural bio resource: Spam. We have already dedicated huge resources to it, such as our much heralded dot-spam initiative that we launched last year at the Annual Summit of the Organization of Spam Exporting Countries (OSEC).

As the single largest importer of crude Spam in the world, Google has been looking for ways to increasingly lower its dependence on this Web resource. Indeed, our commitment to develop efficient alternatives to Spam has already borne fruit in leading Spam exporting nations like Russia, India, Brazil and an Asian country whose name I will not mention due to ongoing federal investigation (just a hint: think Traditional and Simplified.) The governments of these spam-rich countries have come together in an unprecedented show of support.

With the help of's generous donations and AdSense for Spam revenue, we have finally come to a position where I can now announce that beginning next month, all traffic from Google to Spam will be charged on a case-by-case fee structure. The United States Congress has already passed an historic bill of legislature, paving the way for future infrastructure and subsequent funding at federal level.

As someone who reads Spam for a living, I am obviously thrilled and excited at all the possibilities this opens for developers and content publishers throughout the world.

If you'd like to know more about monetizing spam, do send a few hundred email messages to your respective state or federal representative. Do remember to cc everything to Google!

Introducing Google Bong - Our New Search Architecture

As part of the upcoming search architecture codenamed Bong, Phee is currently on a personal trip around Redmond, Washington and writes this post on the road. Her next entry will be from Cupertino, California.

We have always striven hard to keep things simple. So simple. So fascinatingly, beautifully simple and plain and cute that it hurts. Take our Home page, for example. It's neat, clean, pristine, spotless and demands invitation to search something so yearningly, if you don't get a lump in your throat, you will once we launch Bong.

The world is a very beautiful place. Nothing inspires you more than a few chirping birds merrily singing along the lovely dripping sounds of a nearby fountain. The sky seems brighter than bright and spring colors shout and the air smells of a fresh new way to create more exciting ways to search information that is all around us.

The Mountain View shuttle stops with a hiss like freshly brewed coffee sirens its readiness with a steaming hot bun for breakfast on a sunny Redmond morning.

Angels, like fluffy clouds are floating in the heavens. You are so touched and you are so delicately tender with it all, you can't help but to wonder what is mother nature's algorithm for that, that exceptional piece of innovation.

Your buddies beckon you to join them as the gates of heavenly riches gives you an opportunity to invent, innovate, inspire and invigorate.

The world is such a beautiful place. The colors are bright. The breeze is soothing and we are riding the waves merrily, merrily. Your eyes are heavy and you feel your body sinking into a luxuriously ineffable mental state.

If you're interested in learning this magical experience, I'd say awesome!

Google Private: The Open Search Project

Kavah and Sho regularly share their views on testing our new products and services, and how those innovations bring a more useful, and even fun, internet experience to everyone.

At Google, organizing the world's information is no easy task, even more so, when no one had asked us in the first place. We challenged ourselves to the mission after building the perfect search engine that needed more information to feed itself, as it grew.

It is in keeping this innovation challenge, that we are giving you a glimpse of Google's new rollout of our much anticipated new initiative: The Open Search Project.

Few Features of Google Private - Unveiled

Search Everyone's Gmail Messages

Web, Images, News and Blogs are fine. Caffeine takes search to the next level. Beginning the end of this month, you will notice a new option next to those: Gmail. Drumroll!

  • Fully searchable email inboxes of millions of Gmail users, their sent and received messages in REAL time.
  • Search billions of email messages from anyone as fast as you can type.
  • With search operators like from: and to: you can tap into the huge repository of messaging at your fingertips.

Search Everyone's Chat, Buzz and Docs

The real power of the Internet is You. That is why we are making available everyone's Chat conversations, Google documents and Google Buzz updates searchable. Awesome!

Google Maps Indoors

As we announced earlier, Google Maps Indoors is in final stages of a staggered release. We will post exclusively about it shortly. Sweet!

BadWords - Target neighbors on Google search results

The complete rundown, trending and geographic location-specific Labs component that gives you the power to pin down what your neighbour has been Googling about. With Geo-targetting and Geo-IP beacons, you can engage in a personal one-to-one targetted message delivery to someone at an exact location. Brilliant!

Nexus Radar - Locate Someone Carrying a Mobile

Using exact cellular triangulation and GPS transmitting data using only the phone number or a reverse lookup via Gmail Contacts. Lovely!

To recap, we will be discussing all of our intended innovations in detail on their respective blogs. For now, we would like to say just one thing: Don't be shy, Google it!

The Saudi Summer Olympics 2015

The world is changing in ways we could not have envisaged fifty or even a hundred years ago. The bright light of knowledge has bestowed upon mankind a benevolent glow of enlightenment in the form and speed that we have been witnessing with such awe, happening right before our humble eyes, ears and senses.

The grace of information, and harnessing its incalculable prowess in today's fast-changing global village of a world inhabited by a wonderful blend of cultures, societies, races and religions is no little feat. Add to that mankind's desire and struggle to better itself in intensive competitive activities such as sports and recreation has showered upon itself gardens of opportunities for bright young minds at Google and an avid populace of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The gifted minds at this highly blessed culture of innovation and inspiration have embraced a growing desire of our aspiring new generation of eager minds waiting to excel in new recreational activities such as sports.

With the bountiful grace that has come to characterize a proud nation, and an environment of invention and innovation, what better union it could be than to have these two distinct but self-complementary facets of cultures to have embraced in a partnership of improvement, enhancement and development - beneficial to mankind.

Yes, indeed, we are proud to be the Official Search Partners for the Riyadh Olympics 2015 in Saudi Arabia. Our commitment to make information available to all remains our key motivator.

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Updates on the dot-spam initiative

At the recent Organization of Spam Exporting Countries (OSEC) conference in Latvia, I was fortunate to share some upcoming new ideas with delegates from this rich group of mass opinion makers. Indeed, I was humbled to have come across such personal college heroes as N. Larjmapinuss of Pillzahoy Inc and Skamdya Ltd's Chairman, the Honorable Minister of Inherited Fortunes, Republic of Nigeria.

As one of the keynote speakers, I was excited to present Google's widely hailed new initiative for the dot-spam (.spam) top level domain deployment. As Rosy Glass, the head of UTau-Pian Team at Google Iceland emphasized, we believe .spam has the potential of becoming Web 3.0 in less than a decade. She cited examples of success stories like .info and had the entire audience nodding in agreement. Dot-spam project's laser-sharp focus and Gmail enabled support will help email-entrepreneurs connect better with their targets (markets.)

Rosy's presentation followed an orientation workshop conducted by Chuck Mormony, Product Manager at AdSense for Spam. We were very surprised and encouraged to learn the enthusiasm of email-marketing specialists, especially from Russia, India and New Zealand towards monetizing their businesses using AdSense for Spam.

On the fun side, the Latvian Department of Commerce took us scuba diving around a private island owned by the reclusive genius Scott Free, the Chairman and Chief Software Architect of Spybot Virul Technologies.

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Our position on Microsoft and Yahoo! deal

If you've had a chance to use the Web recently, your Google Search or Google News results must have thrown a lot of speculation regarding the proposed buy-out of Yahoo! by Microsoft. Needless to say, we have received 64 billion messages, mostly from a Russian e-mail marketing entrepreneur based in Chennai, India.

In order to address Google's point of view, because a lot of people are asking how this affects us, we are excited to announce our upcoming bid to purchase China.

Initially, this announcement for the bid was scheduled be presented during our shareholders Annual General Meeting at the International Space Station in June (as Hait Muyguts blogged earlier). However, in light of the recent Microsoft-Yahoo! rumors we have made a corporate resolution to announce it here.

We believe that our proposed bid to acquire China is an extension of our vision of developing a space where we can add value for users, advertisers and publishers of the world's information. China's population and efficient talent-pool will be a great addition to Google's current solutions for the entire planet.

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