The Saudi Summer Olympics 2015

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Jointly Posted by HRH Prince Ma'afi Al-Mushkilah, Minister of Sport and Chairman Royal Council of Recreation for the Entertainment and Enjoyment of General Populace, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia; and Shor Tensuite, Google Sports

The world is changing in ways we could not have envisaged fifty or even a hundred years ago. The bright light of knowledge has bestowed upon mankind a benevolent glow of enlightenment in the form and speed that we have been witnessing with such awe, happening right before our humble eyes, ears and senses.

The grace of information, and harnessing its incalculable prowess in today's fast-changing global village of a world inhabited by a wonderful blend of cultures, societies, races and religions is no little feat. Add to that mankind's desire and struggle to better itself in intensive competitive activities such as sports and recreation has showered upon itself gardens of opportunities for bright young minds at Google and an avid populace of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The gifted minds at this highly blessed culture of innovation and inspiration have embraced a growing desire of our aspiring new generation of eager minds waiting to excel in new recreational activities such as sports.

With the bountiful grace that has come to characterize a proud nation, and an environment of invention and innovation, what better union it could be than to have these two distinct but self-complementary facets of cultures to have embraced in a partnership of improvement, enhancement and development - beneficial to mankind.

Yes, indeed, we are proud to be the Official Search Partners for the Riyadh Olympics 2015 in Saudi Arabia. Our commitment to make information available to all remains our key motivator.

Updates on the dot-spam initiative

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Posted by Catt Mutts, Spam Reader and Evangelist, Moscow

At the recent Organization of Spam Exporting Countries (OSEC) conference in Latvia, I was fortunate to share some upcoming new ideas with delegates from this rich group of mass opinion makers. Indeed, I was humbled to have come across such personal college heroes as N. Larjmapinuss of Pillzahoy Inc and Skamdya Ltd's Chairman, the Honorable Minister of Inherited Fortunes, Republic of Nigeria.

As one of the keynote speakers, I was excited to present Google's widely hailed new initiative for the dot-spam (.spam) top level domain deployment. As Rosy Glass, the head of UTau-Pian Team at Google Iceland emphasized, we believe .spam has the potential of becoming Web 3.0 in less than a decade. She cited examples of success stories like .info and had the entire audience nodding in agreement. Dot-spam project's laser-sharp focus and Gmail enabled support will help email-entrepreneurs connect better with their targets (markets.)

Rosy's presentation followed an orientation workshop conducted by Chuck Mormony, Product Manager at AdSense for Spam. We were very surprised and encouraged to learn the enthusiasm of email-marketing specialists, especially from Russia, India and New Zealand towards monetizing their businesses using AdSense for Spam.

On the fun side, the Latvian Department of Commerce took us scuba diving around a private island owned by the reclusive genius Scott Free, the Chairman and Chief Software Architect of Spybot Virul Technologies.

Our position on Microsoft and Yahoo! deal

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Posted by Veedonn Kair, Vice President, Internal Combustion Affairs

If you've had a chance to use the Web recently, your Google Search or Google News results must have thrown a lot of speculation regarding the proposed buy-out of Yahoo! by Microsoft. Needless to say, we have received 64 billion messages, mostly from a Russian e-mail marketing entrepreneur based in Chennai, India.

In order to address Google's point of view, because a lot of people are asking how this affects us, we are excited to announce our upcoming bid to purchase China.

Initially, this announcement for the bid was scheduled be presented during our shareholders Annual General Meeting at the International Space Station in June (as Hait Muyguts blogged earlier). However, in light of the recent Microsoft-Yahoo! rumors we have made a corporate resolution to announce it here.

We believe that our proposed bid to acquire China is an extension of our vision of developing a space where we can add value for users, advertisers and publishers of the world's information. China's population and efficient talent-pool will be a great addition to Google's current solutions for the entire planet.

Appropriate terms, please!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Posted by Hait Muyguts, Supreme Legal Council, Google Corporate Affairs

At the Plush, everyone is excited. No wonder then, from Lexus-driving teaboys to Island-owning secretaries, everyone contributes to the well being of our company.

In an effort to make the world's information more, well, more Google-friendly - we have recently been heavily (and quite profitably) engaged in revising and modifying our various Google legal documents (using online Google docs and Spreadsheets, of course - took a while, but I was excited.)

Based on our astronomically phenomenal IPO, most of the terminology in our old documentation is no longer, say, appropriate to our various functions. Hence, I am happy to announce that some broad-based changes in Google's technical and other terminology have been proposed.

These are including (but not exclusive of) the following:

Pre-IPO Terminology	Proposed "Appropriate" Terminology
User Experience	Shareholder Satisfaction
Quality Guidelines	AdWords Appropriation
Search Results	Targetted Commercial Message
Keywords	Advertisement Inducing Agent
Search Query	Parked-page Seeking Phrase
I'm Feeling Lucky	Go to the Most SEO Optimized Ads Page
Don't be Evil	Don't be Microsoft®

We hope to have these proposals breeze through our Annual General Meeting at the International Space Station in June. No breeze there, I know, but goes on to show that I'm just a lawyer with no sense of analogies (make it AdSense, please.)

"Billion Air Day" with Larry and Sergey

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Posted by Larry Rage and Sergey Grin

As our commitment to make the Googleplush more exciting for our Plushers, we recently celebrated a "Billion Air Day": to throw a billion dollar gold bars over the Valley. We thought it would be an excellent idea (and a monthly dose of confidence boost to shareholders) to share some of our fun moments with the envious world!

Here's a little photo essay of the day in life of Larry and Sergey, as we celebrate the first Google "Billion Air Day".

We started our exciting new day filled with an electrifying resolve to organize and power the world's information. Before we could get there, we conveniently forgot to electrify our car with some power! So, we got the AAA to deliver our Toyota to a nearby station. In recognition of the AAA guy's hardwork, we acquired AAA and made him its chief executive (company soon to be renamed GAAAgle).

(Larry and Sergey fill up their Toyota with some excitement)

Once at the Plush, we first wanted to find out how much our company would weigh its worth in gold. And what better idea than to weigh it ourselves! So, we plucked our company's logo off one of our superplexiglass windows at the Plush and tried to get a feel of it. Please note that no 7-figure earning handymen were harmed during this exercise.

(Larry and Sergey weighing company logo to determine its worth in gold)

We then had a PowerPoint presentation (there goes a 10-point high for Microsoft stock, you're welcome, Bill) and shared our vision for the "Billion Air Day" with our top engineers, and asked the team to design a complex algorithm to determine the logo's mass and volume and compute the exact weight in gold (the Gold-Algo-Tweak team helped us out! Thanks, guys - and don't forget to collect the hundred-grand overtime on your way home!)

(Larry and Sergey presenting their vision to fellow Googleplushers)

Sadly, during lunch break, every one rushed out to the Gourmet Cafeteria for our Wednesday afternoon sushi special. That left Larry presenting to a captive audience of one, that is, Sergey.

(Sergey listening to Larry's presentation as everyone else gets excited over lunch.)

After lunch, there were heated arguments on whether the gold bars be etched with our Logo or embossed. One group was adamant on using diamond-studded logo variations, instead of plain embossing. In the end Sergey had to intervene when passions flew high and settled it with a brilliant suggestion that the bars would have a logo on one side and two diamonds for each letter "O".

(Sergey looks on as engineers fight over diamond studded gold bars)

After the presentation, the engineers were happy, but we had to get the proposal through our own appointed Chief Excellent Overseer, Eric Shebang. So we had a quick meeting with him. We tried to convince him of our super-new ideas.

But he wasn't buying.

(Larry, Sergey and Eric discuss the big plan)

We had to convince our own-appointed head honcho. But there was an obvious stalemate. So, in the end, we decided to settle it via our usual Google management technique with Eric: Spiral-rolling on the floor until the stubborn one breaks down! That did the trick. Though it took us three hours to roll all over the Plush!

(Larry, Sergey and Eric using Google's innovative management techniques.)

Then, we hired a Boeing 747 and filled it head-to-tail with gold bars, and created quite a stir around Mountain View (soon to be renamed Mount Google Beta) as the plane parachuted solid gold bars all over the Silicon Valley (soon to be renamed Googold Valley.) Many fellow techies from the Googleplush rushed out to see what was happening!

(Larry and Sergey with fellow Googleplushers as the Jumbo Jet drops gold bars over Googold Valley.)

We had a wonderful "Billion Air Day." Hope you've enjoyed it too, on your Google Foolbar enabled IE or Firefox (soon to be renamed Googlefox.)

Two great AdTense tips for publishers

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Posted by Mac Momunnie, AdTense and AbSurds Millionaire Support

We are unusually excited to share some tips for those who use AdTense, our get-rich-quick-if-you-can-create-enough-websites-a-day advertising program. Users of AdTense's sister product, AbSurds - which lets empty webpages generate huge traffic - will also find these tips and tricks useful.

Basically, both these products nicely complement each other. A quick roundup of how it works:

First, successful publishers create empty websites. Then, they use AbSurds to advertise the site using our Content Network (named so because it leaves them very satisfied.) Next, they put AdTense ads on those sites. When an unsuspecting housewife or a bingo-searching granny clicks their ad and end ups on the empty websites, our successful publishers get paid.

But enough basics, already! Everyone know this. Let's have those two great tips:

1. We know everything about you, so you know that you're in good hands. Google Foolbar knows each time you visit a page and how you actually look at what ads are being served there, not what the page is all about. This is a great way to learn and put more ads to your pages to make AdTense network more money.

2. We know that you actually mean well when you criticize us (Google Foolbar knows everything) in forums, believing to be anonymous. So go ahead, we love feedback! Just don't be evil.

In addition to the two great tips above, I would also like to nicely slip in a recent amendment to our Terms of Service. We've been asked to change our human-readable pre-IPO language to adhere more to big-lawsuit-correct jargon now. The following is the new Article 45 (d) a (changes in parentheses).

45 (d) a. The more you log in to check your stats, the more our algorithm learns (formerly downgrades) your Proactive Quotient (formerly Desperation Index), which optimally corrects (formerly demerits) your standing. Login as if you don't care and as if money's no object to you and the algorithm will readjust accordingly (formerly treat you with more respect).

Happy making money!

Introducing Google Earth Indoors

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Posted by Woyr Dekhtasubkuchram, Google Earth Indoors Team

We are even more excited! As a wide-eyed Google-fanatic, you probably know that we've been swamped with requests to make Google Earth go beyond the boring rooftops and bland, insipid roads and highways. We tried to gag those requesters with a varnish-soaked tarpaulin but the emails just kept on coming, including a lawsuit by an L.A. lawyer who wanted Google to reimburse him for every hour he'd wasted trailing the virtual world (we eventually did.)

So, to bottle the egg, or to cut to the chase, or to put a sock on it, zip it, or such similar cliches that I've saved up on a Google Doc for this blog, let's give a big hand to Google Earth Indoors!

Please note that we're staggering this feature out with an upcoming update of Google Earth. It will only be available to top-of-the-foodchain Western markets for starters, and we'll roll it out gradually to include the rest of our wonderful world.

I've managed to steal a few screen-grabs that our engineers (and legal advisers) have permitted for this blog.

I picked a random world spot... say, Beverly Hills...


Zooming in to see what lies beneath that inviting set of twin-roofs.


We're in the living room! And I can see someone leaning over a settee... let's have a closer look...



And here we are, full resolution! Although I think the lady is somehow psychic. Look how she stares right back, as if she knows Google's prying on her.

So, there we have it. Another cool extension to one of our most popular products: Google Earth Indoors. We cannot promise when the initial beta roll out begins, but can assure you that it will be an experience you simply won't forget! And a nice end-of-year stock handout for me.